2AM

Mark Dimaisip

You are not your 2am conversations;
not your 3am nightmares;
not your 4am regrets.

You are not the apologies that you keep feeding yourself for breakfast
or the denials that you keep drinking to help you sleep.

You are not your clocked days,
not your numbered hours,
not your wasted seconds.

You are not the mistakes that you keep counting whenever the night gets too silent
or the dreams that you keep forgetting whenever it’s time to wake up.

Sometimes we’ve curled up in our own rooms for so long
that it feels so unnatural just to be outside.

Sometimes we shut the drapes so tight
that all we could see is darkness even when light is tapping at our windows.

Sometimes we’ve ignored to many sunrises
that each morning becomes a continuation of yesterday instead of the today that it is.

I know, you’ve been hurled with too many unkind words,
been told so many times what you are,
that it is so easy to confuse other people’s voices as your own.

But you are not other people’s voices.
You are not the words that others throw at you.

You are your own voice;
your own words;
you own self.

Yes, you are the sum of your stumbles,
but you are also the total of every time that you get up.

You are everything that you have ever been
but you are also everything that you could ever be.

You could be 5am waking up on the right side of the bed.
You could be 6am opening the drapes to let in light.
You could be 7am stepping out to brave the day.

There is an infinity inside of you;
all of it waiting to happen;
all of it waiting for you.